Wednesday, February 12, 2014

age is relative, being focused, and jibber jabber

i've gotten this more in az the anywhere else.

you're 27 (or whatever age), no way? i don't believe you! you've got to be kidding me. stop lying.

i don't know why it bothers me so much.

sometimes i brush it off with a laugh.

but in the back of my mind all i can think of is...

is that why i'm still single? because guys think i look like i'm still in hs?

that can't be the reason. but sadly, anything and everything seems to point in big letters that i'm still single.

it hurts. that i'm still single.
but whatever God is doing in my life, i don't want to stunt because i'm focusing on the wrong thing.

focus. that is my word for 2014.

but what exactly does God want me to do with that? that's a hard question to answer, i mean i know what he doesn't want me to do...

i shouldn't focus on:

  • the fact that even though i'm 27, i'm still very single
  • i have no idea what God has for me next and i'm not sure if i should be stepping out or staying put
  • the fact that my some of my friends are brushing me off
  • my life isn't how i "dreamed" it would be
it's hard to stay focused on passions when you're eyes are set on circumstances you can't control

so what am i trying to get at? 
27 is just a number. but this number honestly scares me. because i feel that i've had the same goals since i was 18.

like - 
  • lose weight
  • read a lot of books
  • start working out
  • master an instrument
  • find a craft and keep at it
  • etc
and that's when i realized why focus is such a big word.
i haven't been focused. i've been just the opposite, DISTRACTED. as i mentioned last saturday - i'm always looking for the next thing. but there are so many things i can and need to be doing right now.

so, i lauren, promise to stay focused on the goals set before me. not wishing for more, not yearning for the future, but living in the moment. because honestly as much as i hate this saying:
it's about the journey, not so much the destination... (my own interpretation).

1 comment :

  1. I can sooooo relate! I know girl, it’s hard! We are supposed to seek Him and know Him but sometimes I feel like if we aren’t in the situation we want/or with whom we want/or the situation we want then we aren’t really growing in Him or knowing more about Him because all we are doing is seeking His Will. But if we don’t know His Will then how are we supposed to get to where He wants us to be and doing what He wants us to do? Such a difficult season but you aren’t alone, there are lots of singles out there feeling the same way.
    May you know His love today. It is oh so very strong. So rich. So sweet. So beautiful. It is all you need.