Tuesday, July 15, 2014


They say honesty is the best policy.

I really hate that phrase. Not because I like to lie. I just don't like sharing the "dirty laundry" of my life.

But I also don't believe in just sharing the good things in life.

Next week, I'll have been in AZ for a year. I still have the same job, and have been attending the same church since January. But, I still feel like I just moved here. I still don't have a core group of friends who "get me" and I just feel lost and alone. I know I'm suppose to be here that's about the only thing I know without a shadow of a doubt.

I was talking with my younger sister last night and I looked at her and said "Life sucks right now." She gave me that look everyone gives a single person look - "It will get better." But, it may not. The bible says you will go through trials and tribulations. It doesn't anywhere share the "prosperity gospel." I think I've had too many positive people talking in my life.

Don't get me wrong, we're suppose to "count it all joy." But if I hear any of these phrases one more time, don't get upset with me if I react in an unpleasant manner.

"Oh Lauren, your time will come."
"This will be you in a few years."
"He's out there."
"When you stop dwelling on it, it will happen."
My personal favorite. "Have you..." (the answer is always 'yes')

There's no one to ask what I'm doing wrong. So, I rely on just hearing from the voice of God. But in this area, I feel like I hear absolutely nothing.

What am I doing wrong? I'm tired of limbo. I know my life doesn't revolve around relationships - friend or romantic, but it also doesn't mean my life doesn't involve them.

It hurts when you thought the people who were there for you give no reaction to your negative response to life... Maybe I'm looking for Jesus in others. When I have the opportunity to just look for Jesus.

With tears in my eyes - I'm honestly saying life is really hard right now. But hey, c'est la vie, that's life.

1 comment :

  1. I can really relate to what your feeling so much that I even started tearing up. I wish I had anything worthly of the right words but I don't cause I feel similiar in my own way and life. For me I am always looking for change, whether it's job/location, etc, just about anything to try and make the boredom and lonliness end.
    God has His plans for everyone and we need to accept that and let it all happen. I was around you enough to know that God never stops talking with you :). We need to continue being awesome and let God do what He does best for us: protect and watch over us.
    God bless, big HUG and keep smilin'...Dawn :)