age is relative, being focused, and jibber jabber

i've gotten this more in az the anywhere else.

you're 27 (or whatever age), no way? i don't believe you! you've got to be kidding me. stop lying.

i don't know why it bothers me so much.

sometimes i brush it off with a laugh.

but in the back of my mind all i can think of is...

is that why i'm still single? because guys think i look like i'm still in hs?

that can't be the reason. but sadly, anything and everything seems to point in big letters that i'm still single.

it hurts. that i'm still single.
but whatever God is doing in my life, i don't want to stunt because i'm focusing on the wrong thing.

focus. that is my word for 2014.

but what exactly does God want me to do with that? that's a hard question to answer, i mean i know what he doesn't want me to do...

i shouldn't focus on:

• the fact that even though i'm 27, i'm still very single
• i have no idea what God has for me next and i'm not sure if i should be stepping out or staying put
• the fact that my some of my friends are brushing me off
• my life isn't how i "dreamed" it would be

it's hard to stay focused on passions when you're eyes are set on circumstances you can't control

so what am i trying to get at? 

27 is just a number. but this number honestly scares me. because i feel that i've had the same goals since i was 18.

like - 

• lose weight
• read a lot of books
• start working out
• master an instrument
• find a craft and keep at it
• etc

and that's when i realized why focus is such a big word.

i haven't been focused. i've been just the opposite, DISTRACTED. as i mentioned last saturday - i'm always looking for the next thing. but there are so many things i can and need to be doing right now.

so, i lauren, promise to stay focused on the goals set before me. not wishing for more, not yearning for the future, but living in the moment. because honestly as much as i hate this saying:

it's about the journey, not so much the destination... (my own interpretation).

2014: February Goals

january goals were a bit sad and i know it's already the eleventh, but it's not ever too late for monthly goals!

1. start running again
2. use my camera more
3. read 2 books (already finished with 1)
4. have $45 in my house of rose challenge (i promise to blog about this soon)

saturday devotion v3

i know as humans we are always looking to the next big thing.

when i was working in the Summer of 2012, all i could think about was going to YWAM.

when i was in the training phase of YWAM, all i could think of was when we would go to Cambodia.

when i was in Cambodia, all i could think of was going back to Nebraska.

when i came back to Nebraska, all i could think of was what did God want next for me?

when i was focused on the future, i missed the present.

God has called us to live in the present. yes we should prepare for the future, but that doesn't mean we should ignore what is right in front of me.

there are so many things that i'm waiting patiently for - marriage, kids, etc. but what does God want for me right now?

i was reminded of a devotion i completed earlier this week. it revolved around the verse Philippians 2.1-11:

"So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, 2 complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. 3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, 6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God ra thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. 9 Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, 10 so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." (ESV, Biblia.com)

this passage is beautiful, but one major thing I got out of it was verses 3-5. wow, did i feel a slap in the face. all that time wasted, thinking about something that wasn't happening and it was focused on myself. i was definitely ambitious, selfishly thinking about myself. i put myself before others. how many relationships did i weaken by not being present? who was Jesus pointing out to love that i just turned a blind eye to?

basically, all i'm saying is it's not about me, it's not about you, it's not about us.

it's about Him and about others, here and now.

currently v4

CURRENTLY I'M...

Reading: The Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger and The Christian Atheist by Craig Groeschel

Watching: Downton Abbey and Sons of Anarchy
Listening: Classical Music - This has been a great soother. I'm also listening to my favorite podcasts.

Wishing: I took a longer break from work.

Thinking: About all I want to do with the blog!
Praying: That my temper would calm down.

Loving: Flappy Bird - C'mon, i'm just saying what you were thinking

What are you CURRENTLY doing?

want more currently? i am an avid instagrammer! 

2014: january in review

launched the new blog / had a giveaway / shared a few currently's 1 2 3 / made some goals for the year and january / started a new feature - saturday devotions / shared my 27 before 28 goals

how did my january goals work out?
recap:

1. Have at least 25 granny squares completed (I'm writing a CHALLENGE post soon.) (epic fail, but not all is lost!)
2. $15 in my new savings account (another challenge)
3. Read 2 books (my goal on goodreads is 24 books). I actually accomplished my goal of 13 last year! (read one -almost done w/ book #2)
4. Send "happy mail" to some close friends. (yeah, this didn't happen either)

1 out of 4? that's not too great! but again, i'm not worried. i still completed a lot of stuff this month. february will have a different focus! how did your january go? i'd love to hear about it!

saturday devotion v2

i'm wonderful at creating distance. between the people i love, the people i can't stand, and everyone in between.

sometimes the biggest chasm seems to be with my Maker.

i fall into a pit that seems impossible to climb out of, no matter what i do. but that's the point. it's not about me. if i keep trying in my strength, i can't do anything.

there's a circle affect. fail, distance myself, try to climb out of the pit with my own strength, realize i'm not getting out, call on God, fail... get it?

as i continue to fight the vicious cycle, one thing is clear, i'm missing something.

THE BIG PICTURE

i should be distancing myself:
Philippians 4:8 -
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

i should be distancing myself from anything that doesn't fit this verse. that means no negativity, from me or others, filling myself with things that will lift me up and not let me down!

do you live in that vicious cycle? what verses have helped you?